Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
