that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Randomize
