do herpes really smell.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
