Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
being pregnant is like rehab
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Randomize
