I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
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