Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
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