I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
