had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
where are you?
Hypothermia
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
