drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Randomize
