office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Randomize
