You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Randomize
