Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
did i walk over a car last night?
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Randomize
