He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
