You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Randomize
