I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Randomize
