Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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