I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Randomize
