I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Randomize
