i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
