Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
