We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
