so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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