Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
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