Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize