dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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