I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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