new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize