What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize