At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
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