Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
