i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
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