Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
