lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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