the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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