My cat gives me a boner
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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