took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
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