I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
