last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
