Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
