So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
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