There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Randomize
