I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
