your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Randomize
