you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize