Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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