omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
