white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Randomize
