ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Randomize
