just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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