The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Randomize