I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
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