I must be too annoying 4 u.
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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