Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
