I wannas sexs uuuuu
he thought i was a dude.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Randomize
