yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Randomize
