im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
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