I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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