I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Randomize
