you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
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