Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize