My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Randomize
