If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
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