He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
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