Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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