i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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