I'm jealous of your bromance
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Randomize
