Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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