he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
